Until Death Do Us Apart
June 24th, 2008 by Monika MundellAll right, I admit this title is a little heavy, but I did write it for a simple reason. I wanted to shake you awake. Is the the work you are doing at the moment making you happy? Whether you are employed in a secure job, working from home or running a corporate business empire it doesn’t matter. What matters is how you feel about what you do.
It’s a bit like being married, I guess. If the thought of waking up beside your wife or husband leaves you horrified, then it’s time for a divorce. What do you believe?
Sure, we can hang on for the sake of our kids, for the money, the perks but what happens when we wake up one day realizing we lost most of our “active years” to accepting less than acceptable terms?
Fact is, we spent about a fifth of our life at work, therefore dreading to go there would be a crime.
If we take an average of 40 years (350400 hours) to be our working life, with a 40 hour week (83200 hours) we actually work away some 23 percent of our life. This figure doesn’t factor in holidays since most of us actually work for longer than 40 years anyway, so it will balance out again. For many people this figure is actually way higher than this.
The so called modernized nations have become slaves to the system, working for bigger mortgages, more technology toys and a lot less fun than our ancestors had.
Do you really want to waste away 1/5 of your life by following the unhappy path? If not, then this is your wake up call!
I’m deadly serious (here we are again). Most people waste their lives away. Just look around you. How many friends, fellow workers, family members can you see complaining every day. They see nothing but the negatives and their main activities for the day is discussing their job or their neighbor.
Gossip is for poor minded people.
I like to share a quote with you, a quote I read many years ago. This has stayed with me for some 6 years now. It was actually this very quote or saying that changed my life for the better. Unfortunately, I can’t remember who quoted this, therefore please forgive my ignorance.
“Poor minds discuss others.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.”
I’m sure you are not average. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be a reader of Court’s Internet Marketing School blog. Readers who stop by here want more from their lives. They are truly fed up with the mediocrities of life and want to find ways to aspire to better things.
You don’t have to accept the common road. The road others have traveled before and will continue to do so in the future.
It all starts with our habit to put things off. This is the worst inhibitor of people’s success.
Instead of complaining why not get active. Now! Not yesterday, not in 10 years, not when the kids finish college, not when you have saved enough to actually do it but without delay.
I challenge you to do it.
Does it always work? Of course not! However, I tell you what it does. By engaging a positive and proactive mind set, we activate our creative genius. This genius is responsible for finding alternative ways to aid us reach a target much faster than if we merely left things as they are.
If you hate your job, get out. If you hate your boss, find a new job or quit. If you can’t stand your life, change it.
You know, I personally wasted about 5 years of my life hating my job with such a passion it made me depressive and very cranky. The irony here is in reality, I’m a very happy and fun person to be around. Therefore, why did I waste all these years you might wonder.
I found many excuses as to why I couldn’t just quit my job. I basically lived in denial. Even so, if I’m totally honest with myself, I could have done this pretty much instantly. This is why I am so taken by my good friend Don’s approach to putting his mouth where his heart is. After experiencing some major upsets at his workplace, he finally pulled the plug and quit his job. He blogs over at Making Sales Making Money and is a frequent reader here on Court’s domain.
What Don, myself and many others have done is to ultimately follow our passion. Neither of us knew whether it would work out. Some still don’t know this. Nevertheless, I can bet my life on it that Don is deliriously happy now. He followed his dream.
Are you willing to follow your dream, come hail or sunshine?
I’m sure most of you are aware that dreams do come with some burden. You could struggle with your discipline, fail your business or even become un-enchanted with it after some time.
Ultimately, regardless of your dreams you have to act now. Life is too short to miss out on all the fun. Every minute you wish for something to happen, your clock is ticking away, never to be in the same moment again.
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June 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Excellent post Monika! I really couldn’t agree with you more about having a positive and proactive mindset. I’ve been quite successful and grateful over the past few years as a results-driven outside sales professional and have managed to marry a beautiful woman, own a home together and be blessed with a lovely daughter who is now 3 (also have a baby boy on the way!). One of the main reasons I’ve been successful in my career is due to my positive attitude, mindset and persistent nature. I strongly feel that these attributes can be applied to anything you set your mind to.
Back in January 2008, I made a jump to a new position and left my Fortune 200 company thinking that it was a great vertical move upwards. However, in May 08, my new employer decided to downsize due to economic reasons and eliminated my position. I wasn’t really upset because it was more of a wake-up call and made me realize that there are no guarantees working for others since employment is at-will.
Fortunately, my brother and I stumbled upon Court’s Internet Marketing School (back in April) and signed up for his one-on-one mentoring program. After the first session with Court, we both immediately realized the potential to learn everything we needed to be successful online with from an experienced coach. Since April, we have built many keyword sniper sites that we’ve been diligently adding content for and building backlinks to get higher ranking in the SERPs. I’m very confident that our efforts will pay off in the coming months and success will be inevitable! I have to admit that I’ve been guilty of procrastinating but how does putting off things until tomorrow going to help me today? It won’t. Let’s work smarter and not harder so that we can enjoy life and spend more time with our beloved families.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Powerful story, Sal. Thanks for your comment! You are going to knock it out of the park with your businesses.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:13 am
@ Sal: Wow, I am truly taken by your very strong comment. It clearly shows your winning attitude in whatever you mentioned. Thank you for sharing your story with us here. It is exactly stories like yours who inspire people out of their misery.
Like you I have also been part of Court’s school personal mentoring and know what you mean by attaining a very successful future. Enrolling into Court’s school was the best expense I ever paid with anything I ever bought online. It will pay off handsomely in the future I have no doubt about this.
You certainly have the right idea and working smarter is exactly what I’m working toward right now.
Thank you very much and I wish you all the success you deserve.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Yeah, that’s truly a wake up call. Or at least it should be! After being an employee and even owning my own company, I finally decided to become self employed, so now I work as freelance web designer. Why? Because I can do what I like (design) and I can be close to my family.
But even when you’re doing what you love, it’s easy to stray away from the path. That’s why we all need a reality check from time to time!
June 25th, 2008 at 2:14 am
@ Adrian: You are certainly correct with your last statement. Every now and then I also need a good kick up the bum (you just said it nicer).
For once it was me doing the kicking. Gentle but hopefully effective.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Great post Monika. The quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt, and I agree - it’s a great sentiment to live by.
http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Eleanor_Roosevelt
June 25th, 2008 at 2:17 am
@ Nicola: Oh thank you so much for pointing me in the right direction. I guess I adapted the quote a little with my own spin by the looks of it. Thanks to you I bookmarked it.
It looks like Eleanor was a very smart woman indeed.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
I’m going to run the risk of pretending to be a great mind by discussing an idea here. I like the ideas that you talked about–getting out of a dead-end job, etc. I did the same earlier this year by opting out of the system to write as a freelancer. Now I’m building my own company based around that. A key thing, though, is to know your limits. You’re right about getting out as quick as you can but I think that it is equally important not to get out as quick as you can’t. If you are stuck in the position where you need the cash to get your venture or your career rolling again, it pays to swallow hard and grow a backbone for a few months. Do what you have to do so that you can do what you want to do–and in the meantime, you have to do what you can to make what you do what you like.
Hence why I found myself mopping floors for the first three months of the year–and now my very own business is (slowly) rolling out. So yes! I love reading the posts that go up here and thought I’d throw in some munchable thoughts of my own.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:20 am
@ Peter: And what a great piece of mouthwatering munch this was!
You touched on a very important nerve there. Certainly, if finances do not allow or other inhibitors stop you from going after your goal right now, then by all means back this up with your suggestions.
I love how you went to mop floors. This truly shows dedication and a winning mindset. Thank you for adding great value to my post.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I think something should be said for sticking with something even when it is difficult and learning to change yourself before you change your circumstances. Sometimes you do need to leave a job you hate because it is the right thing to do, but sometimes you hate your job because you need to do a little growing up. If you are immature you will never “like” something because the problem is with you and not with your circumstances.
Also, I don’t think you should ever quit on a marriage. You might need to exhibit tough love (separation) when your partner is being harmful to you our your children, but you should never give up on the relationship. Real love never quits.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Wow Joe I think your comments on looking first at yourself before quitting something are so wise. I experienced exactly what you’re talking about at the job I just left.
I was at the job for 4 years, and when I left I felt really successful and ready to move on. That wasn’t true in the first 6 months though. I got off to a great start at the job (commission sales), but then about 3 months in I started to struggle badly. I couldn’t buy a sale. Soon I was having the same mediocre thoughts that had caused me to quit other opportunities. I saw a pattern of mediocrity in myself and I decided that they would have to drag me out of there kicking and screaming - I just couldn’t quit and keep being mediocre. For lack of a better way to put it - I was just tired of sucking at everything I did and blaming the job or people.
Long story short I figured it out and had a successful 4 year run with the company where I was able to become a sales manager and trainer and even open up the company’s first sales office outside of its home state. I couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t acknowledged that I was the only real problem in the equation.
So I guess my take is if you totally hate what you’re doing, there is merit in achieving a certain level of success at it before you quit. In that success you may find that you don’t hate the job so much after all. When you do leave you’ll know it’s for the right reasons.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:39 am
@ Mark: Thank you for keeping the conversation going while I was absent. I think we agree in the fact that sometimes there is a need to try harder, while at other times it is better to quit and pursue a bigger dream.
You showed greatness by what you did. You could have just as easily given up back in your company. The thing is, there is a difference between people who give up at every opportunity (I certainly do not endorse this at all) and those who push through but suffer.
I know people who do just that (the former). They start a job, stay 6 month, don’t get along with their workmates and then quit. Rinse and repeat for them all over. This has been going on for a good 15 years now. The really sad part is that this person is a family member. What can I say. I tried to help but unless the person itself wants to change, nothing will ever happen.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:31 am
@ Joe: I totally agree with you on this. Taking a look at oneself should always be the first option.
But enduring a job that has become a burden, rather than enjoyment after 22 years isn’t exactly quitting at myself or even running away from my own truth.
While working in my job I acquired a very high level of success. I worked in some of the top restaurants and hotels in Europe, with famous chefs to boost and while I was younger, my career was fun and exciting.
I guess personally I grew out of love with my job. Burnout syndrome some even call it. Career wise I achieved just about anything I could short of becoming the next Jamie Oliver. I never wanted to go down that road.
So, while working in my first home business I became a changed woman. Chefs aren’t exactly known for their levels of personal development and I had to learn fast and hard. It was worth it though and today I know that my move was the best thing I could have ever done.
I suppose I could ramble on and on. One thing I wanted to mention though, I disagree with your comment about marriage. While I am in a very happy marriage with my soul mate, I believe that many people are not.
They marry for the wrong reasons or fall out of love altogether. So, while I’m certainly not a quitter I ask you. What is the point of staying in relationship just because of a piece of paper?
If both partners amiable agree to a separation I don’t see nothing wrong with this. After all, there is second love and sometimes third for many people. Why risk missing out on this if you are unhappy?
Anyway, I’m starting to sound like Oprah, so I better shut up.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:03 am
@ Monika - I think that there is a little more than a piece of paper that makes a marriage a marriage. There is a promise between two people to stick together through thick and thin, to build a life together. In marriage, they promise to love the other and grow together and to learn to be a good mate to their partner. Promises are very important to me, so I take making a promise very seriously.
Also, there is the nature of love to deal with. I am of the opinion that love is not only the passionate feeling that many talk about and many poets write - it is much, much more than that. Love is a steady devotion that looks constantly toward the good of the other. In so doing, love is extremely satisfying and is often punctuated by moments of extreme passion, but more usually it is accompanied by a quiet satisfaction that warms your heart and gives you a steady calm. This type of love is very rewarding.
So both promise keeping and maintaining the integrity of love is at stake in marriage in my eyes. And I think we risk far more in a mutual agreement to abandon promises and belittle love by jumping ship than one would do in working together to make a marriage work.
June 26th, 2008 at 7:19 am
@ Joe: You sound like a very dedicated man for sure and I think there should be more of you in the world. While I totally agree with what you are saying about love, dedication and devotion (because of what I have have experienced in life), I still back up my previous comment.
Don’t get me wrong though. While I agree with you because I have a great marriage myself and couldn’t in the life imagine that it would ever go wrong, I’m not so naive top think that everybody has the same experience in theirs.
I suppose we could discuss this topic forever. I do value your discussion very much since you touch some excellent pointers there.
Your wife is a very lucky woman by the sounds of it.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Life certainly gets tough sometimes but you do have to follow your dreams. If you want to start something different put it out in the universe and believe it is going to happen. It will happen.
I started blogging and I know I am going to be a success.
Hope everyone’s dreams come true.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:33 am
@ Mark: Thank you. I wish you the same. May all your dreams come true. I you believe it strong enough, then the foundation has been laid well.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
To make your dreams come true you have to have a burning desire and keep going no matter what obstacles are placed in your way. This does not mean just blindly push on when things get tough. You also need to learn how to overcome the obstacles the right way and make sure you are moving in the right direction.
Success normally is harder than you think it will be… so prepare yourself for the long haul and you will succeed.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
It’s a matter of recognizing that you need to take a balanced approach and learning that approach more than likely through a little bit of trial and error. Hopefully more error than trial–that is, making small mistakes as you grow instead of making the big mistake of sticking yourself in something that sucks you down. Loops right back into Monica’s point about not letting death be what makes you part if you need to part sooner.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:42 am
@ Edward: I think I’d like to own the word passion. To me life is all about passion and what we make with it. Burning desire, a dream you may call it what you like but without any of this, humans will never aspire to anything.
It’s what makes the world go round.
@ Peter: You got it spot on there. Thank you for understanding.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
yep! I really can nott agree with you more, i am on a work that i totally have no interest at all. i think it’s time to change something..
June 24th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Great Post, if I had read it last year I would answer that I am very unhappy, but since I have quit my job and starting doing AM and IM full time I couldn’t be happier, many days I work over 12 hours and don’t even notice the time go by, THAT is how much I love what I do!
Thank you.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:46 am
@ JR: Pleasure. I’m applauding you for stepping out of your comfort zone and making things happen. It’s funny you mentioned your long days. I worked an 18 hour day yesterday and then couldn’t sleep either. Damn, this business of mine is just too much fun to stop working.
However, while I’m having fun I also try to balance since working ourselves into the ground would only oppose what we try to do in the first place. Don’t you agree?
June 24th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
It’s funny how just when you need something, it gets dropped right in your lap. This is exactly what I needed to get this week, Monika, so thanks.
I have worked for a company for 8 years now. An average of 70 hrs per week, in all kinds of horrible outdoor weather and conditions. I moved up to supervision, got a company vehicle, etc. Work wasn’t great, although I felt valuable . And yet this week things happened and I was reminded that all of my hard work won’t get me loyalty from the company. They aren’t worried about my future.
Work has been slow this spring, and my hours have been cut more than in half. And newbies have been getting the work, hours, money that due to seniority I expected to get.
I tricked myself into feeling that if I cared about the company’s projects, did my best and was a real company man, I would get mine in the end. Talk about unrealistic expectations!
I have been slowly building websites and planning for ’someday’. Yet right now I feel betrayed and want to quit tomorrow. I can’t afford to do that, so I will have to force myself to smile and struggle through.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:53 am
@ Tim: Do you hear me clapping for you?
In all seriousness I so know where you are coming from. I experienced exactly the same kind of predicaments while I was still working for a boss. The worst was when we moved to Australia and new apprentices who just finished their learning stint earned the same money like we did after (then) over 12 years in the industry, working for the best, running kitchens and having huge responsibilities .
I guess like you saw it in your own job it was then that I became fed up with work, the system and started to wonder why I even bothered, especially with some of the low quality workers who still earned the same as me with not only tons more experience but something else that seems to have been lost in late years - quality and pride in the work we do.
Just keep working toward that dream of yours Tim. If you want it to happen it will and if you ever need another kick up the bum just let me know.
I gladly oblige
June 24th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Great great post. I’d just like to remind your readers that during a lay-off period they can seize the opportunity to finish their college degrees. It’s the last safe bet I know of. Best.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:32 am
College degree a safe bet Damien? I’m not so sure…
June 25th, 2008 at 9:06 am
I’m the embodiment of the entrepeneur spirit whether it includes college or not.
I do think College is one of safest bets out there. Even if the job you end up landing isn’t affected by it, opening your mind helps you grow. It is easy to be “in the moment” when you are in college. There is a lot of financial aid available as well. Can you tell I am a teacher?
Your hint at a point is well taken though. It is not a SURE bet. In my 39 years I’ve met all kinds of persons who make excuses because of the economy, who’s in office, the amount of their housepayment etc. I can only say for my dad, me, and millions of other people who get college degrees it has allowed us to live prosperous lives at careers we truly enjoy. Anybody would do well to go back to school (again just my advice).
You can read more about what a certain college grad is doing through teaching and writing at my blog: PostCardsFromtheFunnyFarm.com
Best to you Mark
June 24th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Very interesting post Monika, it’s great how this post and several of the posts that have been in a similar vein recently, have nudged me into a better understanding of my own strengths and weaknesses.
One question though, has Court decided to tweak the direction of this site? I get the feeling he has been reading Mark’s post from last week - “How to Move On From Make Money Online” - there seems to be a more motivational edge to a lot of the posts recently.
Keep up the great work.
Ray
June 25th, 2008 at 12:31 am
No Ray, the direction of the site isn’t changing at all. I can see why you’d ask though. Court just happens to be taking a week or so off from the site, and in the meantime Monika is posting what we’ve asked her to post - which is more about the mindset and motivation required for online business success.
Since Monika keeps posting, and Court has taken a little time off, I can see how you’d get the impression the site is going in a personal development direction. Purely circumstances. Court will be posting tomorrow again strictly about internet marketing and making money online.
Thanks for reading!
June 26th, 2008 at 4:24 am
Mark/Monika,
Thanks for your replies. I think ‘Make Money Online’ and ‘Personal Development’ are interesting and important , so I devour both equally.
I filled in the form and dropped you an email about the one on one coaching with Court and never heard anything back, are you trawling through a back-log of requests, or is the opportunity closed now?
Thanks again
Ray
June 25th, 2008 at 2:58 am
@ Ray: Thank you for your comment. Like Mark already explained in his comment to you, the direction certainly won’t change. We can’t have Court be gone forever now can we.
Plus, I write from what I know a lot about which is freelance writing, running a home based business and yes, personal development. I guess I love to inspire others most.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Inspiring post. All stuff we have heard plenty of times, but it needs to be said over and over again. It has to have meaning in our lives.
Thanks
June 25th, 2008 at 3:00 am
@ Kevin: Exactly my thoughts. I see so many people struggle. Inspiring others is what I can do to help them move ahead and as long as there are people in need of this help (which is like always), I will continue to do this.
Thank you for your comment.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Great post. In fact my job sucks big time and it gets worst everyday. Lately we’ve just moved into tiny cubicles. Who hasn’t dreamed of working in a small 5×5 cubicle all day long?
I decided to start my own business in late 2007. Right now it generates almost the same income as my 9 to 5 job and it keeps bringing more and more everyday. Hopefully I’m on the right track.
June 26th, 2008 at 7:22 am
@ Stephane: Fantastic news. Another success story. I just love them, keep them coming guys.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:42 am
So true. I’ve just written about <a href=”http://blogbuildingu.com/articles/building-blogging-business-part-1″passion and blogging about a week ago.
If I can’t imagine myself working on the same niche two to five years from now, I will not enter the niche.
June 26th, 2008 at 11:01 am
I never subscribed to the idea of working in a job you dislike and that has sometimes caused people to think I´m a bit flaky . . . since I usually drop a job if I´m becoming unhappy there. As soon as it starts to affect my downtime, I´m out. However, I´m now working quite happily as a freelance writer and blogger and it´s far better than any job I´ve ever had.
Thanks for this great post.
July 1st, 2008 at 7:46 pm
@ Genesis: Great to hear you joined the club. Being able to discover a true passion for what we really like to do in life is a privilege not everybody gets to enjoy.
June 28th, 2008 at 11:14 am
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July 1st, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Monika,
Great job! And I must say personally, very timely. I just recently left my job after going back-and-forth for a long time whether or not I can, or should, make the leap and go out into the unknown. It really makes sense though, why waste life away? What’s the worst that can happen, and is that worse than staying put and remaining miserable? It’s time to stop being frustrated chasing someone else’s dream and start following my own.
Thanks for reminding me I made the right choice!
July 1st, 2008 at 7:49 pm
@ Kevin: Your nomad challenge is something that touches my heart. I also am a free spirit, loving travel and having done so a lot in my life. Where I live now is the longest I ever have lived in one place and I’m getting itchy feet.
I can smell the open road, freedom and tons of fun in the not too distant future. If all our plans work out we will be working and traveling, just like a nomad.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:50 am
Great post! Though I like my job, i know that it with the changing landscape, it may not last forever.
Also, I figure that with all the time and hard work we put in, why not build our own business, instead of someone else’s?
I have already started my blog, and have begun affiliate marketing, article marketing, email marketing.
Look at me using the big fancy words
July 12th, 2008 at 7:04 am
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